The Importance Of Saying No
Have you ever felt burned out? Stressed? Over worked? Exhausted? You're not alone. These feelings are becoming increasingly common in our fast-paced world, and while there are some circumstances we can't control, what we're about to look at are the things that we can.
Why saying 'no' is a big deal
If we say 'yes' to everything all the time, it begins to fill out our schedule. And our time - next to relationships and connections with people - is one of the most precious things we have in life. How do you really want to be using it? Dedicating yourself to activities you don't really want to do or you don't actually have time for? When we get into this pattern, it's often at the expense of our own health and wellbeing.
Why do we feel we can't say 'no'?
It's especially common for women to say 'yes' to everything that comes up. Birthday parties, event preparation, work tasks, extracurricular activities and the events that go with them, kids' sport trainings and games, housework, meal preparation, social events... the list goes on and on.
Generally speaking, these activities fall into three key categories:
- Ones we really can't say 'no' to and have to do
- Ones we actually want to do
- Ones we may want to say 'no' to, but we feel obliged to go through with them
If there's something that comes up you have to say 'yes' to, then there's nothing you can do about it and it's out of your control (unless you can delegate it or share the load with someone else).
If there's something we really want to do, it's probably quite good for our wellbeing to go through with it as we will get some kind of happiness or satisfaction from it. However, if it's something that will also cause you stress, it's a good idea to plan for an activity that will help balance that out (like yoga, or a massage, or meditating).
A sense of obligation can be the cause for a lot of stress, anxiety and exhaustion. It's often in response to something we don't really want to do but we feel we have to. This is typically tied in with wanting to please everyone involved and keep them happy which is a lovely thing to do, but if it's on a regular basis it may come at the expense of your own health and wellbeing. Plus it may fuel others' expectations that you will always be there to say 'yes' again!
What's really important?
Every time a new event, offer, task or opportunity comes up, try to assess it from an outsiders' perspective.
- Is it absolutely necessary that you do it?
- Is it an obligation that you have to fulfill?
- Could you possibly delegate it to someone else?
- Could you share the responsibility with someone else?
- Could you defer it to later (when you have more time to deal with it)?
- Could you say 'no' and be okay with that?
Obviously all these questions won't apply to all situations, but you get where we're coming from.
Take time out
If your schedule is packed and there's nothing you feel you can do about it, carve out some time to reset and re-energise. If you don't have a lot of time to give, try a short guided meditation, a walk by the seaside or even just five deep breaths down to your belly in a quiet place with your eyes closed. There's a saying that a person who doesn't have the time to meditate needs it the most, and it's so true!
Image / DepositPhotos
